Understanding Limits

It seems for me lately this common message has been coming up again and again and I am starting to get it. Many times we are not ideal, we do not conduct ourselves they way others would want us too. I don't mean we act silly or anything, I mean the way we parent or the way we are a spouse or friend. Recently a friend of mine was talking of her mom and she said "She is not the mom I wanted but she did the best she could physically do, she could not do any better and I know that." Hmm interesting, people have limits, people cannot always be what we want. It sparked a great conversation.

I spoke of my grandmother and my father, they always had a difficult relationship and in her older days my father tried to speak of how he felt of his childhood. He perceived his childhood to be terrible and she did not perceive that but this is from a person who father was an alcoholic and died when she was 12. In her mind THAT was a horrible childhood and her child (my father) had a wonderful childhood, its all in the perception. Now I understand that it does not make my fathers perception change but there becomes an understanding that she absolutely did what she thought was best. She ultimately never wanted to hurt him or make him unhappy she just did not see a problem, what more could he have wanted? He wanted a more active mother, a more loving mother and that was not her, she is not the huggy lovey mom, she was not the huggy lovey granmother either. I wanted more from her too but she was not capable of opening her heart that way, its not in her makeup. You either accept it or let it bother you but its not her fault she did not do it to be hurtful, our personality has limits.

I realize that this is true in any relationship, unless you are a horrible person no one intentionally tries to do something to a person they care about that they would dislike. How many times have we had the fight with our significant others and hear ourselves say "sorry for trying to be nice" OR "sorry for trying to make you happy"? I sure know I have said that but I now realize that while maybe I thought I was doing my best, it was not what the other person wanted at that moment. Maybe he needed more from me at that moment and instead of the snarky "sorry for trying to be nice" seeing what he needed internally was the better answer.

Although, I think it is hard to stand there and think "could I have given more?" OR on the other side say to yourself....My mother/father/husband/etc did what THEY think is best and they are incapable of anything more and that is OK

People have limitations in personality, people have limitations of what they think is right or wrong. People who love you will never intentionally make you sad or hurt, you they are giving the best to them and we as people who maybe want more or something different have to realize each persons limits and that is what makes them.