Ryan is so much of me, he is a character and always looking to make you laugh, he has that humor that I have that is witty and a tad sarcastic and sort of blunt, the not-trying humor, it just comes out funny all the time even when you are not trying. He has the perfection gene, the gene that I many times define as one of my faults. The same gene that made me practice my letters at 5-6 years old over and over until they were perfect, or re-write my shopping list because I cannot fit the cereal in I need to be in the exact spot it belongs on the list, or put the milk the the same spot in the fridge every time. He has it bad too, to the point that he will cry that he went outside the lines coloring, or the picture he is drawing is not absolutely perfect or the Lego will just not fit together the exact way he wants and I try my darnedest to make him understand that nothing has to be perfect but it does not always work. This same kid would cry if he got milk on his clothes or food on the floor because that was not "right" or "what good boys do" until finally I convinced him that is what washing machines are for or what brooms are for.
Ryan is also very much Peter. As much as he is the humor and perfection of me he is the quiet, shy, loner of Peter and frankly it boggles me, for lack of a better word and sometimes bugs me because I don't get it. I have that parent thing that I always feel the need to try and make everything perfect for him, mixed with teaching him right and wrong and how to handle life currently and in the future. I do not in anyway want to change Ryan I just want to steer him in the right direction.
Not that long ago about 1 month after Ryan changes schools his teacher wrote a note to me, it said "I hope Ryan is comfortable here he plays alone A LOT" and yes she capitalized it. I read it and said to her "that is Ryan, he is fine" and that is Ryan, but honestly it has bothered me since that day. Yes Ryan loves to play alone and do his own thing but he also likes to play with friends sometimes too he is just good on his own.
Why does this bug me so much? Probably because its not what I would do, play alone when you can play with friends? Why bother...So of course I watch him in every situation now with other kids and you know he does play alone a lot, most of the time. Is this an only child thing and I have damaged him without a sibling? Is this a good independent thinker thing? Is this an anti-social thing? Or a shy child thing? Or this is what I want to do right now and you don't thing? I wish I knew and could get it
Just recently we were at a party and there was I would say 12 or so children and again Ryan was doing his own thing and I was sitting by Peter worrying about this and telling Peter how I felt, he said to me "OK he likes to play alone what can you do about it? Are you going to force him to play with other kids?" Of course not, I kind of like that he is his own leader and not a follower but what about other kids? I am afraid that he will be lonely but Peter is right what can I do? Should i even want to do anything? Peter was that kid and survived and thrived just fine
Ryan is a good boy, a really good boy. He listens and always wants to do what is right, he is that child that wants to do right by his parents. He is smart beyond his years and loves school, he loves science, Spanish and sign language that he tells me about learning daily. He is a gentle boy who would never purposely hurt anyone, he is wise and caring. He is a perfectionist who is quiet and likes his own self and does what he want to do when he wants to do it and does not need a friend to do it. For all of these traits will make him a wonderful adult and this is just his personality, just who he was born to be. As much as I wish he was not shy in groups and more outgoing with people at times I would not change him for the world, he will always be perfect to me. Shy or outgoing he is what he is
Although I will admit its tough for me as the parent of a child who is not totally like me I need to understand the differences between us and nurture them and let them thrive in the future. Ryan and I are very close and we understand each other, I know exactly how to talk to him when he is bothered by something, I know how to relax him when he is bouncing off the walls or how to comfort him when he needs it but yet he is so different, he is a lot of what I'm not and its odd to me....
Its amazing how alike and different we are, lets not even go into how much he does NOT look like me
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