At this moment my family is going through a really tough time with the terminal illness of my grandfather and I feel like we just did this with my grandmother, it was May 2010 and I am not sure I am up for this again. Clearly I don't get the choice and I realize that unfortunately since I come from a line of people who live long this means that those people are all late 80's or 90's at the same time and that is seeming to be our limits. Again my connection with God is coming front and forward in my life and honestly with each turn at this it makes me more of a believer and follower of what I have been taught.
When my grandmother was failing she was cared for by the wonderful hospice people and one of the things they discussed with us in length is the stages of death and how a person moves from the living world into death. I found it amazing that there are real stages and people actively go through the stages like clockwork as did my grandmother, I read the handbook and it was like someone was sitting at her bedside writing it down.
Why? Is this how our organs work, this is how they fail? Or is a higher power responsible for us going through these stages? In my mind this cannot just be how organs work why would it be, do they have a life expectancy like a car engine? Why does some organs then fail at infancy like in SIDS or at 35 or 91? Its just to odd form me to comprehend that to be the case
The pattern of the stages of death seem too orchestrated to be "just how the organs work", why do people not need nutrition or fluids anymore when clearly we needed them from the moment of our birth. Or why do people who are actively dying sleep in a sort of comatose state, seemingly to block ourselves from pain? Why are we left to be able to hear our loved ones to the end as our hearing is the last to go? Why do we many times need our families to let us go and free us from our living world obligations?
There must be a God that controls this and gives people the time and peace to die without fear and without pain. So many times you hear that the dying speak to family members who passed before them, I know my grandmother did is this just a coincidence that they are hoping for that person in their death or that person has truly come for them?
I belong to a very active debate board which I frequent daily and there are many atheists on the board and religion seems to come up a lot, the more and more I deal with death I just don't get them. Do they not believe because they have not looked at what is placed directly in front of them? Why do I believe that there is a higher power because I have opened my mind to it? Or again is that how it is suppose to be? What are they missing that they have not seen the signs or proof of more? Will the be afforded the same "stages of death" at the hand of God even if they do not believe in life?
I always had a tremendous fear of dying and trust me I am still not thrilled about it ever happening or having to leave Ryan and never see him again but I am starting to truly believe that it is not over when you are dead and that makes me feel good. It makes me feel so much better right now as my grandfather faces his final days, it makes me happy in my heart that I am sure he will meet his son again that so sadly passed before him or his parents who I am sure loved him so much. And in all my sadness right now for not only myself but for my mother, my aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmother, etc it strangely makes me happy inside that I know for certain that once he has passed we will meet him again someday. I am not sure why I feel that certainty now or where that message is coming from, but for me right now I am simply confident.
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