I am very active in a Debate Board, sometimes a very heated debate board but I totally love it. Today the question was asked "Are you the mother you wanted to be?" Many people were answering it with yes I breastfed, yes I used cloth diapers, yes I made all my babies food but, when I personally pondered the question I thought who gives a hell if you breastfed/cloth diapered/made food? OK clearly I know the medical world says breastfeeding its the best choice but I chose not to, I just felt odd about it for lack of a better explanation, some days I regret it and think I should have tried but I certainly do not think that makes me a bad parent. I also do not think I am a bad parent because I used Pampers or I opened a jar of Gerber baby food but what does make me a good parent? I answered it saying this...
For me being a good mother is raising a child who is taught to be polite, decent, caring and treats people the way he wants to be treated. Who knows he is loved beyond words and how much he is wanted. Who knows he does not need to be perfect, do anything he does not want to be or do anything special to please me as he will always be the best to me and loved by me no matter what transpires in life. Who trusts I have his back even when I want to kill him or he lies to me. Who knows I will tell him when he is wrong or judgemental to try and make him open minded and open to new things.
I sort of then chuckled at the other answers that people gave like breastfeeding or cloth diapering and thought, really do they think that makes them a good mother? Do they realize how wrong they were? Do they realize that many years from now no one will give a shit that you did not put Pampers on your kids bottom? How does this make them a good person, a good adult a functioning member of society?
You know working in a school district I see so many different types of children, heck so many different families and frankly sometimes the parenting puzzles me. We have children that are such horrible bullies to other people and I think (heck I say) did they not teach their child not to do that? To be tolerant of differences? To not hit people or call people names? When this now bully teenager was 2 and hit someone did you tell them no? Did they redirect and tell them that we do not hit people? It seems so natural to me to do that, would I just let my child hit people? Who are these parents?
I remember the first time Ryan saw an older woman with a walker and he yelled out "LOOK mommy that lady cannot walk " as we walked in the elevator with her. I said "Ryan this lady had trouble walking and this helps her, she walks different than us, different is not bad just different" The woman said to me "Thank you, you cannot believe the nasty things kids say" I thought really? People why are you not teaching kids to be tolerant, again its not about breastfeeding or Pampers it's about real life, how to function like a good human.
These parent whose most important thing is mashing their own squash are very much in trouble, they are the parent of children who make fun of quiet kids, black kids or not so pretty kids. Teach your child who they need to be to live in a society, teach them that just because someone is different that does not make them bad. Teach them you love them for their differences and you are the one person that through anything will be there for them, teach them they no one is allowed to make them feel inferior unless they allow them too and that includes you. Teach them that you will never hurt them or dislike them for choices in their life whether sexual orientation, being with someone of another race or religion or being a garbage man when you want them to be a doctor. Teach them how not to be that asshole guy at the bar who punches someone that is "bothering him" or the jerk at the ballpark everyone wishes was not there.
Yes we all want to keep our children healthy, feed them the healthiest, keep them safe BUT that does not make a good mother teaching them to be all the things in my answer to the Debate Board does!
