For Today I Have It All

Today is much better, I feel less like screaming and more thankful. Today I had my eyes opened (again) to its not as bad as it could be...

I just finished ready an article about a little girl who will be 4 on March 26th (exactly 1 month younger than Ryan), she was recently diagnosed (I believe this past summer) with a brain tumor. This particular type of brain tumor is very aggressive and basically has a 0% survival rate, she is not expected to live until her birthday. They say in the days since the diagnosis it has already grown from golf ball size to grapefruit size and still growing fast. She is living her life to the fullest every day and just returned from a special trip to Disney world from the Make A Wish foundation. Her parents even have given her an early "Toy Story" birthday party.

Amazingly this child (Delaney is her name by the way) so young has accepted that she is going to die and accepted her fate. She recently said to her mother "Oh mommy, I am so excited I'm dying." The mother said "Who told you that?" She said "God did."

Delaney has weeks or maybe days left to live but before she goes she has one last dying wish "...for everyone to give each other a hug"

How sweet is this child?

This is when I said to myself, today you need to get out of the funk. You have a child the same age as Delaney and he is fine, he does not have anything terrible to endure, heck he does not even know what dying really is.

Throat biopsies are nothing, Brain tumors now THAT is something, THAT is something to get stressed about.

I realized that I really do have it all. To be a parent with a child like Delaney how do you deal with such a thing? How do you deal with the fact the baby you gave birth too will be lost to a horrible disease like cancer? Honestly how do you go on at all?

My biggest issue today is if I should get the 2 maple trees in my backyard that I just know will come falling on my house soon, even though they look to be alive, taken out for $1300. Or when the hell the car insurance bill is going to come since it seems to be so late or what day of the weekend to cook corned beef and cabbage because holy crap there is a lot of calories in corned beef but it is so damn good. Mmmm

Today I have it all.....

I will deal with the sword my doctor will put in my throat and all my doctors appointments.
I will pray for Delaney and hope that her passing is not painful and peaceful and God takes care of her
I will pray that her family gets past the loss of their child
I pray that this is something I never deal with, never ever

Today is good and healthy and perfect

Again?! Your kidding me, right?

Again the whirlwind of doctors start and it is stressing me out, actually that is an understatement, I am really ready to scream my head off!

You may remember that back in November when I was going for my abdominal surgery they halted the surgery because a mass was found in my throat, well actually on the back of my tongue, the part that is down in you throat. They looked at the mass back at the time and told me that it needed to be biopsied followed by the wonderful news that general anesthesia was needed to do that because as the doctor put it "It is like sticking a sword in your throat." Thanks doc! Why do I get all the doctors that are comedians?

I was going to have the biopsy done at abdominal surgery "take 2" in December but my Colon/Rectal surgeon talked me out of it stating that if I need a nasogastric (NG) tube due to complications that a swollen and injured throat would be a major issue. Good to know, so if I need a tube jammed in my nose to my stomach the sword cut throat would cause problems. This all sounds like a barrel of laughs doctor. Needless to say I listened and did not do the biopsy at the time and in the end I did not need a NG tube anyway, darn!

So after much procrastinating I need the darn biopsy, I cannot even express how badly I do not want to go and do this but I scheduled it. I originally scheduled it for April 21st, since I am off of work that whole week and this would not require any more days off of work. Well then the surgical coordinator called today, it went like this....

Her: I need to move your surgery, April 21st is Passover the doctor is off all week, I have April 14th
Me: (**thinking** of course he is nothing is easy) Ok make it the 14th
Her: Ok the 14th it is.... Now you need to see he again this month since he has not seen you since November we have to make sure the mass has not grown to much, how about March 14th.
Me: Ok, so we have April 14th and March 14th
Her: Yep and then you need a Pre-OP visit, how about April 8th?
Me: Ok, April 14th, march 14th, April 8th
Her: Then you will need Pre-Admission testing at the hospital, call them maybe you can go on the 8th also. AND you need medical clearance from your primary doctor to so make and appt there too
Me: Got it.......UGH!

So I called the Primary care physical who is on maternity leave which lead to the next story "Oh I don't know when we can see you , this is a special visit since your doctors on leave...blah....blah...blah..."

So now I got appointments on March 14th, April 5th, April 8th and April 14th. I swear my boss is going to kill me!

This lead me to think of the story of the doctor who was a real jerk to all his patients and then he got sick himself and realized how hard this is for the patient. The appointments, the running around, the stress of it all.

I swear I am going to scream!!

Sorry I just needed to get it off my chest