Every year I make Ryan a photo book, I compile them at Shutterfly and its a good 100 pages (probably 300 pictures) from over the past year. I hope sometime in his future he treasures these books and pictures detailing his life and how much I love him. I always start the first page with a "letter" to Ryan from me. Again I hope one day when I am long gone he has these letters and truly understands how I felt about him and how much I treasured him. Here is his letter for this year (and yes some parts of it are famous quotes its not all me)....
It's the moments together that change us forever
Ryan,
This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss you lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, love to complete your life.
Every year I sit down to write this and the past 12 months fly through my head like a movie; I think, what a great year we had, I also tend to say to myself "that was the best year and age yet" I am starting to realize this is what I will always think, I will always remember the greatness and forget the hardest moments. I will love the stage you're at and forget that this may have been the most trying age yet. You continue to thrill and amaze me everyday, please never stop.
I can hardly believe you are 4, where do the years go? I remember so vividly wanting you to be born, sitting in the glider feeding you a bottle and sleeping with you in my arms. I remember you not talking or walking or even holding up your head for that matter. I remember having to return to work and taking you to daycare, I swear I thought I would die and now you do everything I wished for and more. I am not sure I am ready for you to get any bigger, I want you to be my baby forever, I want you to love and want me as much as you do right now. But as I write this, getting all choked up I want tomorrow and everything it will bring.
Ryan, I love you more than I can ever put on this paper, you carry my heart and soul in your eyes, and your smile and hugs melt me. I cannot explain it and you know what I will not even try. It is something you cannot understand until you are a parent, but its true, pure make you all teary eyed kind of love and I have it bad.
Mommy xoxo
